“ i know i got religion, and i ain’t ashamed”

It’s hard to resist raising up and shaking your hands up in the air as if your trying to unscrew a light bulb quickly from the ceiling while listenting to the Abbot Kinney Lighthouse Choir. This choir is one of the best I have heard, and since first hearing the Abbot Kinney Lighthouse Choir, while watching the movie “The Lady Killers”, it has been a daily ritual for me to listen to everyday. I couldn’t ask for any other type of music to praise God. When I entertain the idea of being a pastor I think about how I would want a choir like this. I would not have it any other way and would make it happen somehow. Seriously, this would make anybody, believers and non believers, come to church. This is what praise and worship should be like all the time, personally of course. Oh yeah, anybody out there who can hire a choir like this for our wedding that would be awesome. Enjoy, and its ok if you don’t dance, raise up the volume and close your eyes while listening to the choir and you may just find yourself dancing. Boy, this choir is awesome.

where are you from?

Where are you from? Koreans love to ask this question. It never fails. It dose not matter where you are. You can be at the gym, buying a bus ticket, grocery shopping, walking around where you live, taking the subway, or your students asking you even though you have told them various times. It is a question they have mastered, and each time I am asked, even after almost two years living in South Korea, I still take a second to respond. It takes me a second because I have to decide what I am going to say. For example, to I say I’m American, I’m from the United States, I’m from the states, or to I  just say the state where I came from last. It can get complicated because lets say I do just say the name of the state. Do I only say Chicago where I came from last or Northern California where I was born and raised. Yet, if I only say the state I am assuming they know I’m American and I think I shouldn’t assume that everyone in South Korea knows every state in America, but I do fine myself saying, “I’m from Chicago” and yes most of the time they will respond with “Ohhh, your’re American;” but then my consciousness tells me your are not really from Chicago you should have said San Jose. So, to this day I am figuring what is the best answer that best expresses who I am and where I come from.

All this makes me think about, and it never fails, about the age-old question of identity that is intimately tied to my own experiences of life. Not that I am having an identity crisis, but it is hard for me today to clearly know what my identity should be. I feel that I just have too many to choose from. I am defined not only by culture and society, but by my faith. Because now I am not only just a Chicano (Mexican-American), Mexican, Christian, or American, but I have been given a new label and that is “foreigner” in South Korea. Let me explain. Most of the time walking the streets of South Korea, people of all ages, point at Rebecca and I and call us foreigners, seriously they point and yell out “look foreigners” and  make it obvious. Of course they say it in Korean, so they assume we don’t understand what they are saying, but after hearing over and over you figure it out. This personally does not bother me, but it does annoy many other foreigners because they think it’s rude. I think it makes since in a homogenous culture.

I am not sure how, but hopefully I will in the near future,  feel that my identity is being reshaped. Mostly because I have been thinking a lot about what my identity should be based on. What do I truly represent in the world or what do I truly want to represent? This is nothing new of course. Life has taken me through various identities. I just hope that my various identities I have gone through can be a good example of diversity, but at the same time individuality. That in itself can be hard to do. How does on promote diversity and individuality especially when wanting to create unity in the world? If I were to be a tagger again I would totally tag transformer because that is exactly what continues to happen in my life. I have been going and am going through various transformations of life.

“Can one divide human reality…into different cultures, histories, traditions, societies, even races, and survive the consequences humanly?” -Edward Said

how hard can it be to write…

It’s true that time waits for no one. Before you know it you realize there are things you have not accomplished or have not started. Time is always there to remind you to either hurry up or slow down in life, but mostly it is there to remind you of the things you have not done, need to do, or continue what you have started. Well all know this, yet I feel we have not been able to control time, and I know I have allowed it to dictate my emotions and provide guilt for not pursuing things I need to do or want to do. In this case time for me has reminded me of how long I have not blogged. It has been since September since I last written anything. A lot of it is because I can be lazy, but I have to admit that I mostly haven’t blogged because I do have a low self-esteem issue when it comes to writing and sharing my thoughts, yet inside of me I desire to write and want to share with people what I am thinking and experiencing in life. Then of course there is the excuse of writers block; the feeling that I have nothing to say or express about, or what to I even write about. Looking for various ways to be inspired and constantly thinking what I can write about that would be good for people to read and enjoy what I write. I spend time thinking too hard about how unique my writing should be. How my writing should be something that no one else has written before. There is a struggle for my writing to be perfect. Serious, why is it so hard to write? I mean how hard can it be to write when things happen in this world all the time? Why is it easy to be consumed by wanting to be different and expecting my writing to move mountains? So, today I have been encouraged to write in my blog again, and I do pray and hope that I can keep it up because it is important for me. My goal this time around is not to focus too much about writing something that maybe no one else has written before or for it to be perfect, but I want to write because I am the only one that could write what I have written.

to read or not to read?

Rebecca, while searching on youtube for past Reading Rainbow episodes, came across an episode that included Run DMC. At first I couldn’t believe Run DMC was a guest on Reading Rainbow. Not because I grew up watching Reading Rainbow because I didn’t and don’t ever remember watching the show, but it was a show that Rebecca remember watching growing up; so for whatever reason this surprised me. I never expected a show that is based on reading books and encouraging young people to read would invite Hip Hop Run DMC on their show to rap about reading. Now, this is not because I don’t think Hip Hop artist should be encouraging reading, but because during the 80’s and to this day many people were and are skeptic about Hip Hop. Most criticism from people who dislike Hip Hop say that most Hip Hop artist are idiots, they spend too much money on jewelry and cars, that they glorify violence and misogyny, and finally that they lead our youth down the path of unrighteousness and destruction; but having Run DMC on Reading Rainbow contradicts individuals who criticize Hip Hop.

This brings me to Kanye West and I am reminded of his comments about books, “I am a proud non-reader of books. I like to get information from doing stuff like actually talking to people and living real life,” he said. While this made me sad and whished he never made such a comment, I understand that maybe reading is not his hobby, but I wished he would have made it clear that reading is still important, and that even though he is not a fan of reading books that those who are should keep reading. What Kanye does not understand is that there are a lot of young people, who look up to him, and not all youngsters are going to have the time to make music and become famous like him, but many individuals will have time to read and should be reading for self improving, especially people from his community. I wonder what Kanye West would say if he watched the episode of Reading Rainbow with Run DMC or if he was invited to do something for Reading Rainbow if he would accept? Unfortunately this year the show Reading Rainbow was cancelled and we won’t be seeing Kanye West on any kind of show encouraging young people to read.

jefita

Walking down the streets and not understanding one word people are saying who are walking by or when Rebecca and I are in a restaurant eating and we don’t understand the menu and are wondering how are we going to order and communicate what we want to eat, although these days Rebecca has become really good in ordering food and communicating in Korea, and then there is the hope that the taxi driver understood Rebecca and will get us to our destination. The random people who love to stare and wonder where we come from and why I am so huge and hairy of a person. Not to mention, when I am at school sitting at my desk and a group of teachers are having a conversation and laughing together, and I want to laugh with them, but I can’t because I don’t know the language. All this can really make me feel lonely. Besides having Rebecca for company I don’t really communicate with anyone else and can’t really say I have any Korean friends that I have met at work or outside of work. All this can become emotionally overwhelming and question why I am even living in South Korea; or hope that I still have all of my friendships back home because communication back home can be challenging because of time zones, so I am not communicating as much with the people I care about. All this leads me to think more and more about my mother and the life she must have gone through when she first migrated to the USA from Mexico.

So, while living in South Korea the past 19 months has had its affect in my life, as it should living in a whole different part of the world; one main affect it has had on me while living in South Korea is that I have thought more and more about my mothers life. I have come to try and imagine what my mother felt and reacted when she couldn’t communicate in English. How did she even communicate at all? Did she use body language like I do at times? Was she lucky enough to have some people know Spanish as I get lucky when some Koreans speak English and helps us out? How many times did my mother want to give up and travel back to Mexico, as I want to at times because of loneliness? Did my mother get constant stares from people as I do? So many questions I want to ask my mother. I want to know here whole life story, for I don’t know much at all. I know that if I don’t ask her questions now and wait it might be just too late and I will regret not fully knowing her struggles in life before I was born. It is incredible that it took me living in South Korea to have some perspective and understanding of what my mother may have gone through in life in America as a Mexican woman. Although, there is no way that I can even compare my life to my mothers life because I am really doing well in South Korea. I did not have to migrate to South Korea and hope to find a good paying job because I had a job before I even landed in South Korea. I didn’t have to worry about not knowing how to speak Korean as my mother had to worry not knowing how to speak English in order to get a job. The list goes on and on, but I am glad that living here has giving me some sense of what it can be like to be away from their community and living in a place where you can’t communicate while having to adjust to other peoples customs and culture. I am sure that whenever we move back home to the USA I would become more sensitive and aware of people who can’t speak English. I will be more attentive to non-English speakers who live in the USA, which sad to say I wasn’t before I moved to South Korea.

back at it again

Teaching at an all girls’ middle school in South Korea has its challenges, and is painful at times, yet I come back for more. One of many obstacles is not knowing Korean and the students not understanding me why I am upset or disappointed with them when they disrespect the class and me. I do have a co-teacher in class that is suppose to help me with translation and overall with classroom control, but because I believe they themselves don’t understand English that well they don’t assist me when I need them. Now, this is only the case with about two out four co-teachers I teach with. The co-teachers that do help, those classes go smoothly which is about 40% of my total teaching week. So, here I go again with the second semester and more than before I am ready for the girls who, while I am teaching or suppose to be studying are:

1. Looking at a pocket mirror to fix their bangs.
2. Drawing on the back of the worksheet that I passed out.
3. Having students completely turned around to speak and giggle with their friends during a listening activity.
4. Dancing some kind of dance.
5. Singing some pop song.
6. Studying for math or science, (this does not bother me too much, but it can get in the way of class)
7. Writing or drawing on the desk or wall.
8. Putting on makeup or doing their nails
9. Listening to their MP3 player.
10. Texting or playing some kind of game on their cell.

The list goes on and while these things do get under my skin and makes me inpatient. At the same time, I look forward to seeing many of the students who are great and have shown appreciation for my teaching. I will keep in mind that youngsters will always be youngsters and their will always be some that just don’t care for various reasons. I sure will never forget how I was when I was their age. Some times I wonder if this is my Karma for all the shit that I gave to my teachers in middle school. I remember calling a teacher white-devil and running out of her classroom once, so at least none of my students haven’t called some kind of devil, but I am sure they have called me something.

August

Since I don’t have time to type anything for the month of August I would like to share a video from K-OS new album called “4321″. This has nothing to down with the month of August, but I just felt good if I did post something for the beginning of the month since I have been the past few months. Anyhow, this is a great video and song that I have been enjoying for a couple of weeks now, and I still can’t stop watching it, so enjoy and hope everyone has a great month in August.

Farming in South Korea

Ever since moving to Chicago, attending North Park University and meeting certain people, especially being with Rebecca, I have, slowly, developed a curiosity to farming and imagining myself actually growing our own fruits and vegetables. I have to admit that Rebecca is the one with more of the imagination and motivation to eventually one day begin some type of Urban Garden or any type of garden, either in the city or in the country. The more and more I hear her talk about it the more and more I am intrigued by the idea and think to myself how great it would be one day to have our own garden.

So this weekend Rebecca and I will be traveling to the southern part of Korea, to stay at a farm for nine days through a program called WWOOF. Rebecca has been desiring to do this for some quite some while, so as our vacation we decided to spend some time at this farm in hope to develop some experience and hopefully I can become more motivated and comfortable with the idea of growing fruits and vegetables. I am not sure what to expect, and a big part of me is worried about working at a farm because I have never been good at working with my hands or tools. What is great is that I won’t be alone and know that Rebecca will know what to do and I am looking forward to seen her skills and learning from her and the people from the farm.

Unplug vs. Plug

One of the great features of my classroom is the view I have looking out the sliding door of my classroom. Everyday I do no fail looking to the left of my shoulder and there I see a type of pine tree, and in the background Haksan Mountain. I enjoy this a lot because it provides me a sense of peace and calm in the mist of stress and chaos in the classroom, which happens more than it should. It is great that I have windows and sliding doors that do look outside of the classroom and school.

At the same time, it’s astounding what nature can do to your mind and thoughts it can provide. Besides the peace and calm that it does provide for me it is also a constant reminder that there is more to the world than my computer, books, music, cell phone, shopping malls, movies, restaurants, cars, TV, and the list goes on of things that we enjoy that consist of something being plugged. Everyday I am reminded that I live in a world where it is a constant challenge to unplug, and instead I should take a walk or hike out into the natural environment that Korea does provide.

Sometimes nature seems so distant in our lives and for me it is hard to just unplug and realize the power that nature does have and how much nature does provide in our lives. I sometimes wonder how I let myself become so plugged into things, and wonder if I will ever have the will power to unplug myself and have more of a balance life with nature instead of feeling that I have to read all the articles that are online, because I don’t want to be misinformed or not miss something important in the news. There is this troubling feeling in my life where I feel I need to know everything and have as much information in my head as possible, without realizing I have been in front of the computer for at least 6 hours in the span of one day. Yes, I may have read most articles and am up to date with the news and issues around the world, but at the end of it all there is always something missing in my spirit, and there is always a feeling of unsatisfaction. A feeling that overall leaves me more unhappy than happy. So as I look outside the sliding door of my classroom and see the pine tree, it brings a smile to my heart and reminds me that I should spend more time with nature where there might not be news or articles to read, but there is something that is always with me but forget to use, and that is my imagination, which I forget to stimulate and nurse. I hope to one-day do more unplugging than plugging in life.

K-OS Is Dope

K-OS once again comes out strong with a new album called “YES”. He has not failed me with his past 3 albums, and now with his 4th album out, I knew I had to purchase this new album; since I have been a fan since his first album EXIT. There is no doubt in my mind he is one of the top Hip Hop artist out there today. The last time I felt so strong with music like this was in the 90’s, and for the 21st century K-OS is one of the few artist that makes my happy and have hope in Hip Hop. He continues to amalgamate hip-hop, pop, rock, and experimental into his music, while keeping Hip Hop in the forefront, and this is what makes him unique and fresh in the Hip Hop scene. If you are looking for new sound, then stop looking and support  K-OS, for I am confident to say that he is a genius and incredibly original. K-OS is without a question one of the most successful Canadian musical exports when it comes to Hip-Hop and is Hip-Hops best kept secret.